Good Home Training

“Write thank you notes…”  That’s a real conversation-stopper when people ask me what I really want to do in my new business adventure.  As they try to figure out how to say, “Have you lost your mind?” in a tactful way, I assure them I know I can’t make much of a living doing that, but it’s truthfully what I’d enjoy most if money weren’t a consideration.

In the South, we refer to manners as “good home training,”  and thank you notes fall into that category. I know some folks think it’s unnecessary to send a written note if you’ve said thank you when you received the gift, but that’s not me (my mama raised me right).  I’m a crusader with definite “rules” to follow:

•     Handwrite and mail as soon as possible (in my family, you get a special dispensation to use email IF your life is crazy and/or you’re so excited by the kindness that you want the giver to receive immediate acknowledgment.  But, ideally, you should send a quick email of thanks and a written note that comes later).  If time flies, however, remember that it’s NEVER too late to write a note.  In full disclosure, I took notecards on my honeymoon and wrote a few thank you notes.  I don’t expect that level of dedication, but get to them soon!

•     Use personalized stationery.  Yes, it costs a bit more, but you can always ask for it as a gift (for which you’ll need to write a note!).  I have a stock of various styles—monogrammed, first name, last name, etc.  I’m a fan of correspondence cards but that’s because my notes are generally longer than what fits on a foldover note.  Earlier this year, a funeral director told me their sympathy acknowledgment cards were “free” and I could have as many as I wanted.  D’s family howled when I responded (they said with my nose crinkled), “Oh, no, I’ll use my own.”

•     Be as specific as you can about the gift (unless it’s a cash gift, and, even then, a mention about what you plan to do with the money is needed). You can get away with three or four sentences in your note but make sure that you’re specific enough that folks don’t think you copied the same note 47 times (shades of high school graduates cranking out notes).  Any note, even a generic one, is preferable to nothing, but it doesn’t take much to rise above “average”—and does anybody really just want to be “good enough”?

Remember that thank you notes span more than tangible gifts.  Somebody invited you for dinner?  Thank you.  Helped with an errand or chore?  Thank you.  Did a random act of kindness?  Thank you, thank you! 

Attitude of gratitude qualifies as a cliché these days with books, websites, and even a Facebook page, but clichéd or not, taking the time to write a note has always returned more to me than the effort I expended.  No excuses:  It’s a piece of paper, a 44-cent stamp and 10 minutes of your time.

While I may never make a living writing thank you notes (there are such businesses, but I’d have to find a bunch of brides or widows), I’m hoping there are a few people out in the world who would like to have my behind-the-scenes help in cultivating relationships through notes, emails, letters.  We’ll see if there’s a niche for good home training.

Maya Angelou allegedly (I can’t find a credible citation that makes me comfortable) said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  Wanna make somebody feel good?  Write them a note right now.